What you told me might be whatever to you but to me, I felt like my heart shattered a hundred times over but I don’t know what to do except to take it in, learn to accept it, and stop myself from showing you the broken me.
Like many other people, I’m stressing about college. I’m stressing about getting in to a decent school.. I want to meet my parents expectations. I mean, I dont mind going to CSM and then transferring out.. I really dont. Whenever the topic of “attending college” comes up, my mind is completely idle and I get frustrated to the point where I just tell them “lets not talk about it” I got in the sjsu and I finally did my intent to enroll steps today, paid my orientation fee and got everything done. Now I have to worry about passing my classes, I know if I screw up I will have a major time out, I’ll be withdrawn from the school, and I can already see the look my parents will give me, the disappointed sighs and imagining them exploding their anger on me. I have approximately less than a month to tidy up my grades or this is the consequence I have to own up to. I just cant take this, I feel like I’m giving myself hope and confidence when on the inside, I know it’s too late. I’m tired of keeping my hopes up and then crashing down the last minute. After 12 years of schooling, preparing myself for the future, I cant let this semester bring me down. I cant afford to do this to myself because I dont even know which path I’m going to to take if this happens but if I really happens, I have to think for the worse.
I’m not the type of person that would let their heart out easily like that, it takes so much for me to finally accept and trusts someone. For you, it was like a snap. Throughout the whole few months, you were always there for me when I had my ups and downs. We would come out and chill, have a talk, and I’ve grown attached to you. I thought it was a mistake to get too attached because the past events that had happened but you’ve proven me wrong. I was always hesitating whether to let this keep going because I have my doubts until you showed me what you’re really made of. You show character, respect, humor, personality, and smile and made it seem so easy. You proved me wrong. You were there for me when I had trouble, you dropped everything just to talk to me and made sure I’m holding it up alright. You were there at my downest point, you werent even close to just leaving me alone. You’ve proven that not everyone was eff’d up, you gave me a new perspective & I respect it. Thank you.
Sometimes I hate being a girl because my parents are all overprotective and think I’ll get raped whenever I stay out late.. if I was a guy, my parents probably wouldn’t give a shit. But girls are the ones that tend to get more spoiled by parents though so that’s a good thing.
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